Think about one of the most powerful influences in a young child's life.
Fathers were created to play the role of a protector. Fathers are to provide, nurture, and guide. Sadly, this is not a reality to many souls around the world. In America alone, nearly 1 in every 3 children live without their father.
When fathers are absent- physically or emotionally- the wound that results is profound. At times it's too deep for children to believe they can heal. For this blog series, we'll be discussing absent fathers and the impact their absence has on different relationships.
What Happens When Your Father Leaves? The Truth Is...
You blame yourself. You question if you are good enough. Whether you are worthy of love and adoration. You even end up hurting those you love. This weight impacts every relationship, Especially to your children or spouse. Walls are built. Hearts become jaded. You try to protect yourself from being hurt. You hide and wear a mask. Hurt people hurt people.
The negative thoughts never end. Adults equate losing a parent to death to having one who is barely in the picture. The intensity of this statement breaks my heart and brings me closer to the fact that many are living with this reality every day.
I have been there before. Growing up, my father and mother were both physically in my life. Emotionally, however, my mom was more present.
So Why Do Fathers Leave? Why do they end up being absent?
- Too much pressure. The pressure that comes with the new reality: I am a new dad. Also, in the moment they don't feel like they are worthy enough to be a father or have anything to offer.
- Taken away. Taken away by drugs. Taken away by the system. Taken away by their past. It is tough.
- Divorce. So many times one ends up blaming themselves because the relationship ends. Sometimes it just doesn't work.
- They don't know any different. People love from their experience. History repeats itself.
There are many other reasons why fathers leave. Regardless of the reason, nothing can equal the pain that both sides feel. Children hurt. And fathers hurt too.
What Do We Do Now?
We as the human race must be open to starting this conversation. We should realize that it is more expensive to ignore it than to do something about it. Why? Because a part of us dies, and as long as you hold onto the pain that comes with abandonment, the longer you give power to it.
We also have to understand that God heals. Whether you are a child, a man, or a woman, there is nothing that God cannot mend. I have seen and still see Him putting pieces of my heart back together.
I've Learned And Still Learn That...
- You cannot start over unless you get still. In stillness, we hear God's voice. In stillness together with God's word, we find healing.
- It's important to own it and stand in the reality and acknowledge where you are. Be honest.
- Pray. Pray. Pray. Prayer provides a safe and sacred space that allows God's presence flow in and through you. We must be willing to welcome Him into our hearts. For Him to truly heal us and fill that gap.
- Release it to God and trust that He is a good FATHER. He hasn't abandoned you and He never will.
These Bible verses speak to my heart and I pray they speak to you too:
"For my father and my mother have forsaken me, But the LORD will take me up." Psalm 27:10
“Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.” Psalm 68:5
Pray this prayer with me:
As you pray and beginning to heal, I want to invite you to look at what God does with us. He never leaves. He heals. He restores. May you always keep your seed next to you. Whether you are a Dad or the child, its never to late to start this journey of healing. You are not alone.
Hugging you with prayers and love.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.